It's Sunday night again

So...it's Sunday night and another week gone. I read and re-read all the books on writing and freelancing that I can and I dream of the day when I truly can say I am a freelance writer. I guess I can now, although, no new assignements in the last few months, just the ongoing ones. I would dearly love to have an entire 12 hours to sit at my keyboard and write articles.

Other than that, we haven't been real great about meeting together in the mornings (my husband and I), since the 18 month old alarm clock we have seems to know when we want to be alone and wakes up that much earlier. We'll need to find another time of day.

I listen to NPR now all the time in the car. It occurs to me that people are interested in just about anything, now aren't they? You can listen a whole hour to someone talk about the benefits of playing in a woodwind orchestra and not notice that you haven't ever cared about that before. I think it's the announcer/interviewer's voice. They must hire people with voices that are just hypnotic, because anything can sound interesting.

Sadness in the midst

I am saddened and somehow slowed down by the events in the Gulf. Hurricane winds and rains have ravaged this country and my daily life now doesn't seem to matter. The things I worry about and the things that I seem to hold dear, no longer count when placed alongside the sufferings of others. My life is so trivial. I watch mothers hold hungry babies and wonder why I worry about what to make for dinner. I watch old women die in wheelchairs and think, there is my mother but for the Grace of my God.

What saddens me most is the idea that in this great United States, these things shouldn't happen. As though we were somehow immune to tragedy and suffering. That is a lot of uptight, proud thinking and so wrong. We are no more human than others and no more important that the victims of any civil war, any natural disaster or any tragedy in any other part of the world. But our arrogance goes before us and says "Why me?"

Here we go

My first blog entry on the road to further realization of what my life's journey holds. I figure that if I can write for myself in a journal, then I should at some point be able to share that with others. My mother is sharing parts of her diary with me lately, and that is just fascinating to hear what she truly felt, saw and experienced when I was a child.

I want to chronicle here my intentional walk with my God and the steps I am taking along with my husband and children toward a deeper knowledge of who He is in my life. How can I learn to know myself well, when my creator is a stranger to me? So, my husband and I are now getting up before the rest of our household to have prayer together each day. For each other, our family and our work, we pray a blessing. We then read through the morning office of the Divine Hours and complete our fifteen minutes together before he heads off to work. I have found my day to go more smoothly since we started. Not that things are changing around me, but within me. I handle things differently knowing that I launched the morning with a dedication of the day to God, and that has kept me more grounded and more accountable for what my thoughts and actions are. I am more sleepy though, so I need to work on that a bit!

I am trying to discern what direction my life should take. I have been a freelance writer for many years and only now am beginning to earn a small (very small) monthly paycheck from one or two places. I need to contribute to household expenses, but need to stay home to do so. I have also started an eBay selling life...and am having a fantastic time doing that. It's a fairly easy and safe way to unwind and make a few bucks and enjoy something outside of anything else I have ever done. So...I am seeking to discern whether or not I should continue with these things and have faith that God will continue to bless them and bring more homebased freelance work my way...or do I go back to work as a nurse for a "real" paycheck. I have no peace about doing that yet, but the bills still come due.

My God, grant in me this day the patience to wait for what you have in store. The courage to quietly reflect and shut out the noise and hear you. The wisdom to know which voice to listen to and the energy to act on it. Thank you for who you are. You simply are.